Suffering and other things that suck



Suffering .... sucks.  Big time.  
Suffering really sucks when it's someone
 you love doing the suffering.

I figured out a long time ago that one of the worst things we
 can ever go through  is watching someone we love ...suffer.
  

I disappeared a little...from this blog, 
from my friends, from life a little bit.  

It's what I almost always do 
when life gets a little overwhelming.  

And overwhelming is a bit of an understatement for lately.





We are a bit of a mess.  It was so hot and we moved all her stuff in.

My daughter went away to college.  
That's awesome. 
 Dropping her off and driving away,
 not so awesome. 

My heart hurt really badly.  
I got a whole evening in of feeling sorry
 for myself...
.sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. 
 But it didn't last.









In the morning, the phone rang.  And there was more sobbing.

First time accessing the port
...she was nervous, but it went well. 
Test results were in.  Mother was sick.  Cancer.  
The day after I dropped my daughter off.

So, that's what it is.  Time to fight.  
Time to go to appointments, go to treatments,
Chemo treatment #1. 
They have quilts for all the chemo patients.
This is handmade and so beautiful.
time to watch my mother grieve 
and suffer and try. But she smiles.

It's been tough.
 Last week, I cried simply from the exhaustion I felt after helping taking care of her, along with my sister, and from watching....the suffering.

I'm not made to give up.  I keep on going.
I believe happiness is a choice, no matter what the circumstance.

So life has been...a lot.  Complicated schedules, long days, 
fear and faith, juggling it all, hoping and praying for the best. 
Trying to stay organized and keep the balls all in the air.

Mom and her kitty cat, Katie!
That's why I disappeared a bit.  
I always do, when times are tough.  

Didn't see this fight coming.  
Tried to prepare for my daughter to go to school.
But I still feel so empty sometimes.

I am loved and supported, and that helps so much.

I believe everything happens for a reason. 
Sometimes, I have no idea what that reason is.  

Mom is losing her hair now.  We knew it would happen. 
I don't know if this will be hard for her or if it will be fine. 
 There never seems to be a rhyme or reason to explain why some things 
are really tough and others pass by pretty easily.  
It just is.  





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