Novel Mom

So I'm curious, do you ever wake up and wonder to yourself if anyone would notice if you simply dropped off the face of the earth?  I don't know it if is common to wonder about this or if it is weird.  I've been weird now for so long I am not sure sometimes what is weird and what is normal.  And what is normal anyway?  Someone told me once normal was a setting on a washer and dryer.  Yeah, makes sense.  I am sure someone out there has a group or a department that would be all too happy to answer my question, is that weird or is it normal.  I imagine their department is probably part of the group of people who enjoy judging those around them and who make it their job to do it on a daily basis, loudly and continually.  Just a thought? Anyway, I am having one of those days where I am fairly certain no one would notice if I simply dropped off the face of the earth.  I don't know, maybe I just feel sorry for myself, or maybe it's hormones, or it's the holidays or

It's Tuesday night, the day after Christmas.  It's cold here, bitterly, and it's been a long day. I have written about my daughter's battle with multiple chronic illnesses before, some of you will remember.  I pride myself on staying positive, being positive, and trying to convince her to be positive.  Some days, the emphasis is on "trying" and not doing and today is one of those days.  Most recently, one of Liz's medications was increased, for good reason.  This is the second increase in a couple months.  She knew what to expect....several days of suck, side effects, discomfort as her body adjusted to the increase, followed by a bright, shining light that suddenly appeared through the dark clouds.  Well, it's been days and we're patiently waiting for the light.  Sigh.  The several days of suck, well those arrived promptly.  Perfect timing too, with Christmas and such.  So yeah, no stress there.  Not to mention, it's cold.  I mean, cold.  &

I've been saying good-bye a lot lately.  I really hate good-byes.  I avoid them, like the plague.  Good-byes can be hard.  They can be good.  They can be necessary.  They can be heartbreaking.  I said good-bye to my daughter, who was headed off to visit her dad for the Thanksgiving holiday.  Oh dear God in Heaven, this good-bye was hard.  I wanted her to go.  I was proud of her for going. She's been dealing with so much these past months and to fly alone and take the trip, well, I was impressed.  I was so happy she was able to go and made the plans with her dad and of course, I wanted the trip to go well.  But saying good-bye was hard.  Why was it hard? Well, this good-bye was hard because Liz has been sick.  Really sick. For several months.  Okay, so honestly, about 6 or so months ago, there were days she was so sick she couldn't wash her own hair.  Now she was getting on a plane alone and traveling several states away to visit her dad.  That seemed like too much.  She

Hey, happy hump day, I guess!  So I am back again today.  I just posted a couple of days ago and I have lots of work to get through today, but I can't seem to move forward until I get some things off my chest.  I realized today how much I am using this blog as a place for my voice.  I always have a lot to say, a lot on my mind and never really feel all that comfortable sharing most of my thoughts with those around me.  Rarely, but not usually, do I share.    I've had a lot on my mind lately, a lot going on in my life and the world around me.  Sound familiar?  I'm going to guess it does.  Anyway, things have been particularly stressful for a number of reasons the last month or a bit more and I have been trying to wade through the deep water, but mostly, I've just been working hard to keep my head above the water.  Again, sound familiar?  Yeah, I kind of thought so.  Anyway, I've had a couple Bible verses on my mind and I wanted to share.  Because sharing faith

My teenage daughter recently "came out" on Facebook and admitted to her friends, family and some haters, that she had been dealing with significant illness for several months.  She let them know, in blunt and direct terms, that she had been ill enough so that the fact that she had been able to get a haircut was significant.  To say I was proud is like saying I sort of wanted my cup of coffee on a rainy Monday, where my to-do list was three pages long, I read the message several times because I couldn't believe she wrote it and then posted it.  Wow, what courage! This is one brave young lady I brought into the world.  Of course, it was met with some concern and some criticism.  Well, yeah, of course it was.  But for me, it was monumental.  See, since December of last year, we had been keeping things pretty under wraps.  We didn't have a lot of support or understanding, so we were managing, the two of us, doing the very best we could.  I t wasn't pretty...tears, f

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a I know a lot about love.  I have a lot to learn about love.  I am a pro at love.  I am an amateur at love. I say I know a lot about love because I am a mother.  All I ever needed to learn about love, I learned the moment I knew I would be a mother.  If you don't believe in love at first sight, in my opinion, you can't be a mother.  I know I needn't say more about this phenomenon.  I have never loved with my heart and soul so completely and so instantly than I have with my daughter.  Now don't get me wrong, I have nieces and nephews that I treasure.  As I was leaving her house tonight, my niece and goddaughter Kiers

Fall is my favorite season! One of the things I love the most about the apartment I am living in now is undeniably the view.   The front room faces the street and features four large windows, which are nearly floor to ceiling.  Because we live on the third floor, I have the most superb view of the mountains, the trees and the sky.  Sunsets, rainbows, rain storms, snowy days and the like are breathtaking from my perch on the third floor.  Books, plants, pictures... I recently reminded my daughter that in order to motivate and bring happiness to those blah days, I think we need to surround ourselves with the things we love.  This area of our home is my place for surrounding myself with what I love.  The windows are not covered by curtains, because that would be crazy.  There are shades, but they're not used a lot.  Obviously.  There are boatloads of pillows, comfy blankets, books, movies, magazines stacked up, picture frames a plenty with family and favorite ph

Memories can be so vivid and nothing brings the memories back to me like music. I feel like those certain songs can bring me right back to a time, a place, a feeling, pain, joy, love. The other morning, I dropped my daughter off at her friends house and headed home. That I was alone meant I was in charge of the music! She usually plays the DJ for us in the car and I love those times together. But this day, I was on my own and Guns N' Roses song Patience came on. This is such a good song. But it also brings me back to a time and a place and a good feeling. My sister, Rose, who is 10 years younger than I am, used to like to mimic the videos my sister and I would watch on MTV, in the very early days when MTV was actually Music and Videos. Those were some good times. So, my sister Rose, with her crazy curls and affinity for not wearing pants when at home, would rush to the living room when she heard Patience come on. She would grab something to use as a microphone stand an

In case you don't know this about me, I am a believer. I am a Christian.  I have no doubts about God and eternity and I have seen and felt him at work in my life at many times, There have been many times when it was impossible to ignore what was happening and I have shared some of those stories and will continue to share them.  God has been there during the worst times in my life. In addition, I am a devoted mother.  Please notice, I didn't say the best mother or a perfect mother, because there's just no such thing and if there were, I certainly wouldn't qualify.  But I am dedicated.  I put my daughter first in my life and have always done so.  She went through a major medical crisis starting in December, and really even before that.  That crisis meant a loss of her independence.  She wasn't able to do the things a "normal' teenager could do for awhile.  Just a note, I hate the word "normal" but wanted to get my point across.  As a friend r