Lucky Number 13 and other Birthday Celebrations


So it's been awhile...how typical...back to my procrastinating ways. 

 I have a lot on my mind lately, and much of it is stressful, worrisome stuff.  The past several weeks, though, I have been reflecting on the upcoming 13th birthday of my only daughter.  It's been emotional, exciting, fun to celebrate these past several days.  Tomorrow is Liz's birthday and the dreaded number means she is a teenager.  We have been dipping our toes in the lake known as teenager for awhile and it's been a ride. We are both trying to adapt to how she is changing and what that means to our relationship. When I have strong emotion, I am inspired to write.  I had a few quiet moments today, and was inspired to write this letter to Liz:

Dear Liz,

 Things have changed between us, because you have changed.  Because that is the way it has to be.  But I haven't really changed.  When I look at you, I still think of the little girl in pig tails, eager to walk beside me hand in hand.  I realize you don't always want to do that now, so I will hang on to that memory and keep it fresh in my mind.  

 In an effort to adapt, I will walk quietly at a distance behind you now and watch from afar. I will be there in case you fall;  to pick you up, help you dust yourself off and encourage you to go back to what you were doing.   I will be there when the first boy breaks your heart; to dry your tears, tell you that I love you, to promise there will be others and to remind you you are beautiful and special. I will be there to celebrate the good times; the A on the test, that you got the part in the play, that you sang your heart out at church and people loved it, that you found that one little thing that makes you so happy, when your crush asks you out.

 And I will be there during the bad times; when people make you sad, when you question who you are and what you are doing, when people say terrible things about you, when you are disappointed, when horrible, unfair things happen or when others turn their backs - because that is what moms do.  

 I am still going to be the one in the front row cheering the loudest, the one sitting up with you when you don't feel well, the one patiently waiting on the other side of your closed bedroom door - waiting to be let in, the one with tears overflowing when you sing in church and you make me feel so proud and happy, it doesn't seem like my heart can contain it...when you shine your light.  

 I will be the one nodding and smiling proudly when you pick up a friend who falls, make her smile through her tears and dust her off.  I am convinced that is the reason God has put you here...to touch people's lives and make them better.

 I will be the one who tells you not to give up when you fail, that you can do it.  I will stand strongly beside you when you make a mistake and encourage you to learn from it.  You won't look back and not find me there.

 Elizabeth, you can roam this earth searching, but you will never find another who will love you unconditionally, without limits the way I do - because I am sure God has put me here for that reason.  Be patient with me while I adjust to this new time in our relationship - when I have to let go a little and all I know how to do is hold you close, keep you safe and protect you from the cruelty of the world.  Know that my decisions, my mistakes, my struggles are made with the best of intentions.  Know that I love you with all my heart the way you will love your baby someday - but not any time soon!  Someday, you will look at her the way I look at you, and you will understand love.  Until then, I will show you love, strength, support and security.  I hope your birthday is as special as you are, love!

 Mom

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