Love and other good news/bad news scenarios

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

I know a lot about love.  I have a lot to learn about love.  I am a pro at love.  I am an amateur at love.

I say I know a lot about love because I am a mother.  All I ever needed to learn about love, I learned the moment I knew I would be a mother.  If you don't believe in love at first sight, in my opinion, you can't be a mother.  I know I needn't say more about this phenomenon.  I have never loved with my heart and soul so completely and so instantly than I have with my daughter.  Now don't get me wrong, I have nieces and nephews that I treasure.  As I was leaving her house tonight, my niece and goddaughter Kierstin hugged me and told me how much she loved me and my heart melted.  That, too, is love.  And I have family and friends who I love, desperately.  I have no difficulty loving - maybe even a little too much - and I make no apology for that. 

I have a lot to learn about love because non-platonic love is difficult for me.  It's been painful, stressful, disappointing and something I have worked so very hard to avoid for a very long time.  Recently, I have been suddenly unable to avoid non-platonic love and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  And I have no idea what I am doing.  I am irrational, emotional, nonsensical, fumbling, clumsy, and honestly, a little pathetic and desperate.  What can I say?  I'm in love.  Phew....I am in love.  Hmm...haven't said that in a long, long time.  But it's true.

So am a pro at love.  Well, yeah, I've been doing it a long time.  I have always loved quickly and loyally and intensely.  I get attached to folks I love easily.  When we were young, my cousin came to live with us for several months and I became so attached to him so quickly that I thought I would die when he went back to live with his folks.  Love comes easily for me.  Quickly and easily.  And as I said, I am a mother and an aunt and a sister, so yeah, I do love. I love my friends.  Some of them are so extraordinary and I am so fortunate to have so many amazing folks in my life. 

I am an amateur at love.  Yeah, I mentioned that, right?  Three months ago, I was blissfully single and I was so okay with that.  Then wham, he walked into my life and I so tried to keep him at arm's length.  I tried to deny my feelings, tried to pretend I wasn't interested, tried to list obstacles that weren't surmountable, tried to ignore.  It's always worked in the past, so yeah, it'll work this time, right?  Wrong.  Dead wrong.  It didn't work.  I am in love.  With a man.  Whom I adore.  It's a huge surprise to me.  And to those around me.  

I am one of those irritating in love kind of people.  I smile stupidly, I listen to love songs, I look at his picture and look at his picture and look at his picture, I daydream and I can't focus.  I don't know what to do or what to say, most of the time, but I am not giving up.  This is tough - any relationship is.  But I can no longer imagine my life without him in it.  I don't want to imagine it.  I want to spend my whole life trying to make him happy, to take care of him and being by his side.  I am in love. My dad told me once that God did not mean for us to walk this world alone. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.