Everyone in life is going to hurt you and other musings I wish were not true
So I'm curious, do you ever wake up and wonder to yourself if anyone would notice if you simply dropped off the face of the earth? I don't know it if is common to wonder about this or if it is weird. I've been weird now for so long I am not sure sometimes what is weird and what is normal. And what is normal anyway? Someone told me once normal was a setting on a washer and dryer. Yeah, makes sense. I am sure someone out there has a group or a department that would be all too happy to answer my question, is that weird or is it normal. I imagine their department is probably part of the group of people who enjoy judging those around them and who make it their job to do it on a daily basis, loudly and continually. Just a thought?
Anyway, I am having one of those days where I am fairly certain no one would notice if I simply dropped off the face of the earth. I don't know, maybe I just feel sorry for myself, or maybe it's hormones, or it's the holidays or it's the unending pace of trying to be an eternal optimist in a world that insists on pessimism. I don't know.
Normally, I am happy to be unnoticed. It's quieter. But some things have changed in me over the past year and suddenly, I seem to have this vague and odd inclination that I am a person, a human being, with feelings and all the rights to have those around me notice I am here. It would pass quickly, the time after I was gone. There might be a few folks who might have a few bad days if and I do mean if they discovered I was no longer "around." Again, I don't know. There would certainly be no lasting impression. Someone would have to figure out what to do with my stuff....my hand-me down clothes, my second-hand kitchen supplies, my books and movies. The trash heap, I suppose. There's not a ton of stuff, I don't think, but I can't be trusted to know, because I am a recovering hoarder. That makes me immediately incapable of judging whether I have too much or not. Of course, what is too much to some is not too much to others, but really, I only brought it up because a few people might stand around and talk about how I have too much stuff. And maybe I do. I don't know.
Logistics. Logistics would surely come in to play if I disappeared. I can't help but wonder who would step up to the plate and help deal with the logistics. I have a hunch, but I would be interested to be a fly on the wall and have a look to see logistically, just who took care of things. Pardon the darkness, but we all have the darkness inside us and today is my day.
I know my beautiful daughter would miss me if I fell off the face of the earth. But she might just be better off for it - ask around. The judgers will be happy to tell you what a crummy mother I am. They might even be the same people who let you know I have too much stuff. I am pretty sure, however, they will not be the ones to concern themselves with logistics. They are likely the ones who would post on social media about my "disappearance", asking for prayers and looking for sympathy. They will be the same ones, who when they see you in the grocery store and you ask about me, might tell you I am a hoarder (they will not mention recovering), might tell you I am a lousy mother, might tell you how much work it has made for them that I am nowhere to be found. They might tell you what a wreck I always am, how I have always been weak and a failure, but in hushed tones, as though it is a secret, as though they don't intend to share those same sentiments with the very next person they see. You are no more special to them than I am or was, depending on if I dropped off the face of the earth yet or not. They will hope for your sympathy and look stricken, but their life is pretty much the same as it was before I dropped off....the face of the earth, that is.
off the face of the earth. 1. Completely gone; vanished without a trace. Jen was the biggest social butterfly I knew, but then one day it seemed like she just dropped off the face of the earth. Off the face of the earth - Idioms by The Free Dictionary
Love. Family. These things are everything. I hear this every day. I seem to manage quite nicely, most days, without either. Maybe that's where the weird versus normal thing comes in to play. I am quite certain I am not the only one managing without these two things. I see the others. We're like a club. I can spot other members a mile away. I surround myself with the other members of this group no one wants to be in. Why not? It's not hard to get close to them. They are the ones standing alone.
I bet by now you are scoffing or rolling your eyes and saying, yeah, well, quit feeling sorry for yourself or everyone has their problems. I know I would be if I were reading this. I am the eternal optimist. There is always, always a reason to keep moving forward, to be grateful and to think positively. But I can't help but wonder sometimes if anyone would notice if I simply dropped off the face of the earth.
Ever feel this way? Tell me about it, please. Commiserate with me today, because I really need to know. And in case you are worried about me (it's possible), please don't be. I don't give up easily, and I have no intention of dropping off the face of the earth.
Normally, I am happy to be unnoticed. It's quieter. But some things have changed in me over the past year and suddenly, I seem to have this vague and odd inclination that I am a person, a human being, with feelings and all the rights to have those around me notice I am here. It would pass quickly, the time after I was gone. There might be a few folks who might have a few bad days if and I do mean if they discovered I was no longer "around." Again, I don't know. There would certainly be no lasting impression. Someone would have to figure out what to do with my stuff....my hand-me down clothes, my second-hand kitchen supplies, my books and movies. The trash heap, I suppose. There's not a ton of stuff, I don't think, but I can't be trusted to know, because I am a recovering hoarder. That makes me immediately incapable of judging whether I have too much or not. Of course, what is too much to some is not too much to others, but really, I only brought it up because a few people might stand around and talk about how I have too much stuff. And maybe I do. I don't know. Logistics. Logistics would surely come in to play if I disappeared. I can't help but wonder who would step up to the plate and help deal with the logistics. I have a hunch, but I would be interested to be a fly on the wall and have a look to see logistically, just who took care of things. Pardon the darkness, but we all have the darkness inside us and today is my day.
I know my beautiful daughter would miss me if I fell off the face of the earth. But she might just be better off for it - ask around. The judgers will be happy to tell you what a crummy mother I am. They might even be the same people who let you know I have too much stuff. I am pretty sure, however, they will not be the ones to concern themselves with logistics. They are likely the ones who would post on social media about my "disappearance", asking for prayers and looking for sympathy. They will be the same ones, who when they see you in the grocery store and you ask about me, might tell you I am a hoarder (they will not mention recovering), might tell you I am a lousy mother, might tell you how much work it has made for them that I am nowhere to be found. They might tell you what a wreck I always am, how I have always been weak and a failure, but in hushed tones, as though it is a secret, as though they don't intend to share those same sentiments with the very next person they see. You are no more special to them than I am or was, depending on if I dropped off the face of the earth yet or not. They will hope for your sympathy and look stricken, but their life is pretty much the same as it was before I dropped off....the face of the earth, that is. off the face of the earth. 1. Completely gone; vanished without a trace. Jen was the biggest social butterfly I knew, but then one day it seemed like she just dropped off the face of the earth. Off the face of the earth - Idioms by The Free Dictionary
Love. Family. These things are everything. I hear this every day. I seem to manage quite nicely, most days, without either. Maybe that's where the weird versus normal thing comes in to play. I am quite certain I am not the only one managing without these two things. I see the others. We're like a club. I can spot other members a mile away. I surround myself with the other members of this group no one wants to be in. Why not? It's not hard to get close to them. They are the ones standing alone. 
I bet by now you are scoffing or rolling your eyes and saying, yeah, well, quit feeling sorry for yourself or everyone has their problems. I know I would be if I were reading this. I am the eternal optimist. There is always, always a reason to keep moving forward, to be grateful and to think positively. But I can't help but wonder sometimes if anyone would notice if I simply dropped off the face of the earth. Ever feel this way? Tell me about it, please. Commiserate with me today, because I really need to know. And in case you are worried about me (it's possible), please don't be. I don't give up easily, and I have no intention of dropping off the face of the earth.
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