Novel Mom

Memories can be so vivid and nothing brings the memories back to me like music. I feel like those certain songs can bring me right back to a time, a place, a feeling, pain, joy, love. The other morning, I dropped my daughter off at her friends house and headed home. That I was alone meant I was in charge of the music! She usually plays the DJ for us in the car and I love those times together. But this day, I was on my own and Guns N' Roses song Patience came on. This is such a good song. But it also brings me back to a time and a place and a good feeling. My sister, Rose, who is 10 years younger than I am, used to like to mimic the videos my sister and I would watch on MTV, in the very early days when MTV was actually Music and Videos. Those were some good times. So, my sister Rose, with her crazy curls and affinity for not wearing pants when at home, would rush to the living room when she heard Patience come on. She would grab something to use as a microphone stand an...

In case you don't know this about me, I am a believer. I am a Christian.  I have no doubts about God and eternity and I have seen and felt him at work in my life at many times, There have been many times when it was impossible to ignore what was happening and I have shared some of those stories and will continue to share them.  God has been there during the worst times in my life. In addition, I am a devoted mother.  Please notice, I didn't say the best mother or a perfect mother, because there's just no such thing and if there were, I certainly wouldn't qualify.  But I am dedicated.  I put my daughter first in my life and have always done so.  She went through a major medical crisis starting in December, and really even before that.  That crisis meant a loss of her independence.  She wasn't able to do the things a "normal' teenager could do for awhile.  Just a note, I hate the word "normal" but wanted to get my point across.  As ...

There is a stigma attached to mental illness.  No seriously, I didn't just make that up.  There is. A stigma. Attached to mental illness. Apparently, people don't see the entire phrase of mental illness . It's not mental weakness, or mental laziness, or mental irresponsibility.  It's mental illness.  And it's not a dirty word.  It's an illness, like other illnesses...diabetes, heart disease, asthma.   People don't want to talk about it; certainly not in polite conversation.  Nothing stops the fun at a party quicker than, "hey, I've got depression."  People don't always understand and so they turn away from the unpleasantness.  Because of that, people suffering from mental illness don't always speak up - thinking they will be ridiculed for their symptoms, that people will find them weak, that they will not be taken seriously.  But here's the thing.  WE can end the stigma, we can help our friends, our neighbors,...

I am not sure why I keep writing here, because I am pretty sure, just like in my life, that nobody is listening, or reading, or whatever.  That should probably make me quit and just give up and say what's the use.  Eh. Sometimes I think about it.  But then, honestly, remembering that kind of makes me want to write more.  Read, don't read.  Listen, don't listen.  Respect, don't respect.  I don't really care anymore.  You do you.  That's not mine, by the way.  The you do you.  That belongs to a teacher my daughter had this year who actually not only believes in individuality but encourages it.  Well, huh.  Amazing lady who spends lots of time talking about her beautiful children, is kind and empathetic, and seems to be fairly good natured most of the time.  How lovely. :) Anyway, my daughter loves the show Chopped.  You've seen this show on Food Network, right?  Four chefs, or sometimes not chefs, come tog...

We have been spending a lot of time in the car lately.  A lot of time. Life has been hard lately.  A lot of challenges. Sorrow.  Grief. Stress.  We survive...one day at a time.  And music helps.  One thing that helps is music.  My daughter, Liz, has a playlist.  The other day, she explained that the "car playlist" contained many of our favorites...Adele, Jewel, Lady Gaga, Florence + the Machine, Panic! at the Disco, classics and others...angsty female singers, angry rock music and the like. Here are some of our favorites: Shake it Out - Florence + The Machine This is one of Liz's favorite songs - has been for quite some time.  I remember walking in on Liz practicing with our friend, Ashley, and hearing her sing and play this on the piano.  Simply beautiful.  I love listening to Liz sing...and this one hits every mark. The lyrics, well, they say everything.  And you're bound to fee...

Original drawing by Sarah Steele Unless you are a Mother,  and I don't care which kind, you don't know. You don't know what it is to love before you even know, to grieve the way a mother grieves the pain, the sadness, the joy and the happiness  associated with motherhood, you just don't know. You don't know how helpless it is to stand by and watch during tough times, during good times, during painful times as your child tries to right herself and get through because she can't let you down. I stand and watch the pain,  the sickness and the frustration and I wish, I pray, I hope there will be something I can do  to simply make it stop.   When people are unkind, when life is unkind when she suffers, when she is unwell. The floor is cold, but I sit there with her until it passes.  I rub her head, if that is what she wants. I fetch a cold, wet cloth if that is what she wants. I rub the scen...